juz came back from bbq at east coast,

had some fun cookin and stuff, toking, foolin ard, playing soccer, yea.

everytime i meet up with the ncc ppl, theres this weird feeling i get always.
my platoon mates, they play soccer, basketball, sports generally.

and me, what do i play? dota dota and more dota everyday. seriously, i cant even play basketball or soccer well. i got no sports. this leaves a very big gap between me and my platoon mates.

was thinking deeper during the taxi trip home. ever since i was young till now, i've never really got any serious injuries. in fact, i was scared to get injured.

am i scared of pain? i myself dont noe.

no sports, only games. i dun play bball well, i dun play soccer well. i guess my bro's rite when he said that i din have much of a live sitting infront of the computer everyday.

i've been trying so hard to fit in, but the gap is juz so big. i wanna click with the rest. i've tried so hard to, but its simply not enuff.

im learning about myself everyday ever since the day i was born.

its hard to be myself when theres so much going on arnd me.

tell me, am i weak? am i weak physically? emotionally? academcally?

whats going on?

i wanna be gd at what i do. i wanna be able to talk with my frens freely, regardless of race or gender. i wanna be fit. i wanna study hard. i wanna please my family. i wanna have a hobby. i wanna have fun.

i have so many wants. what can i do to fullfill all my wants? am i too competitive? or am i not competitive enuff.

i have so many questions tat are unanswered. so many things i dont understand abt myself.

tell me all the answers please.

im darn tired now. gotta sleep. today was a gd day, tmw's gonna be a better day.
musical tmw!